Mother of Necessity

because sometimes, you just have to.


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What? Me Worry?

worry

Based upon the results of the poll, the winner is WORRY. Almost 50% of the people that participated, including myself say we worry too much. I see this is a burden for so many.

That gave me a great idea to post about all of us worrying too much. Maybe by me writing about worrying, it will help you and me from worrying so much.

According to the dictionary, worry means to:  torment oneself with or suffer from disturbing thoughts; fret. When I read this I literally said “WOW” out loud. We are torturing ourselves. I said to myself, “who, in their right mind would torture themselves, that’s just nuts. Then I answered, “oh yeah, I do almost every day.

Let me share a little bit. I may have mentioned this in a prior post or in my book “Making Decisions”, but I am a control freak. I like order, plans, lists and having a great idea of what is down the road.

I am not sharing, to make you feel sorry for me. I am letting you know that I am just your average girl that struggles like everyone else does and you are not alone. By sharing a little bit of my story, my hope is to help others and even myself become better people.

I may not have had the best adult life (yet) with an ex-husband that wasn’t the nicest man, going through a divorce, a custody battle, raising my son on my own, seeing so many of my aunts, uncles, cousins, friends, co-workers and grandparents pass away (about 40 deaths in 25 years), financial issues, losing a home and my job. GEEZ!!!! Just listing these things makes me see how I am prone to worrying.

When I lost my job about 8 months ago, that I had worked for almost 14 years, needless to say, I was freaked out and worried.

I am very fortunate that I am able to take some time to figure out what my next step is. Which is still a work in progress. I have been given the opportunity to reinvent myself. I am taking advantage by, taking my time, trying a few new things that I love, like writing and waiting to see where all of this leads me.

But I still worry about my future, what it holds, where my career will lead me or where this ‘time-off’ journey will take me. I worry about my son and his future, my parents that are sick and my cousins that are sick.

I just read the above paragraphs and thought…..Boy, I’m depressing. I would stop reading this. Hang in there with me, please. I’m getting to the more positive stuff.

Since I have lost my job things are very different. I didn’t realize that the job was toxic for me. I am more relaxed, less stressed and no longer have headaches. I am happier. That job caused me to have blinders on and I couldn’t see past that job or the next paycheck. That’s not a great way to live my friends.

In the past 8 months I have been able to relax more, sleep better and really go for something I have wanted, like write 2 short books, start a blog, get a little crafty, get myself organized, help others get organized, and be there for my family. Granted none of these things has brought any money in (for now), but I am happy (sane) again. No amount of money can buy your happiness.

With doing these things I have realized that being in control is out the window. To my surprise, I am ok with that. I still worry about my future, but I worry less about my folks, my kid and cousins. I see now that these are things that I really can’t control.

For me, having this time to really reflect has been therapeutic. I am a work in progress but it’s getting better. I have come to the conclusion that I will probably always worry about my own future, but to worry about others and their future is a waste of my energy. I need to put that energy into helping my family and do what I can to help others, by writing this blog and books.

I know it doesn’t seem like much but just like the other posts, we have to find our happy. Writing and helping others, makes me happy.

I guess what I am saying is, don’t waste your time with worry, Spend your time making yourself or others happy.

Please leave a comment, I would love to hear from my readers. I want to do right by all of you and your feedback would be great. Thanks


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Handling a Bad Situation

ROck uphill
Have you ever found yourself in a situation that you didn’t think you could get out of? I know I have, more than I can count.
What I consider a bad situation are things like: Car breaking down, Having to decide to go to a relatives funeral or work, your child does something you have to correct, having to come up with money that you don’t have, timelines pushed up to get things done (and you are not ready), anything large ($$$$) breaks or any situation that comes up quickly that needs to be resolved right away.
My cousin tells me I carry a proverbial fire extinguisher around all the time so I can put out the fires that seem to pop up. It’s not that I go looking for the hardships, they just happen and the good part is, I am usually able to put out the fire.
I have to say, that after the fire is put out and I have re-cooped from the excitement, I always walk away learning something new. In all honesty, I wish I didn’t have to learn that way, but here I am and I am grateful for every learning opportunity. Maybe not while it’s going on but later.
Because of the bad situations I have encounter, I figured you may have the same problem sometime. I would like to share a few things I do to get through the bad situations. In my experience, with these steps you can have a plan and acting on that plan within a few hours if not sooner.
GET MAD: You are allowed to be mad about the bad situation. Take some time and just be mad. Yell, sulk or cry,(don’t hurt anyone) allow yourself the time to go through this emotion. I suggest up to an hour. I allow myself time to be mad because I don’t want that emotion coming back up later while I am fixing the issue. If I get mad in the middle of everything then I become unproductive and my thoughts are not clear and I can’t resolve the problem. So get mad and then you can figure out your options.
FIGURE OUT YOU OPTIONS: Generally you will have 2-3 options to resolve whatever the bad situation is. Take your time and sort out these options.
Write the options down and talk them over with a friend or family member. Asking them for some insight will help you see all sides and will help you choose the best option.
Once you figure out what option is best for you, it’s time to make an action plan so you can resolve the situation.
ACTION PLAN: The option you chose has to have some sort of plan so you can follow through to fix the issue. Make a list of things you need to do, such as, who to call and their phone numbers, people you will have to meet, the money you may need, the time to set aside to work on the list. If the situation was caused by your kid/teenager, make sure to add them to the to-do list, so you can have that ‘conversation’ with your child, after the fact and you are no longer mad.
FOLLOW THROUGH: Now it’s time to put that action plan into play. Just dig your heals in and go hard after it. This is not the time to be wimpy or second guess yourself. You don’t want to drag it out any more than it has.
Keep in mind, whatever your bad situation is, it probably won’t be resolved in a day. Be calm and don’t let that anger come back to bite you. Be patient, follow your plan and it will work out.
If you have read my book “Making Decisions” then you already know this line. In my family we have a saying…..I can do this, it may not be pretty, but it will be done.
Before you know it….that bad situation is in the past.
AND FINALLY: After so much work, energy and time, problem resolved. YAY!!!! Great job!!!! Now it’s time to take a breath and relax for a minute.
Do me a favor, please. This is something I do every time I have a fire to put out. Take a minute and reflect. Check to see if there was anything you could have done better or differently. Ask yourself this question: Did I learn anything?
There is always a learning opportunity for all of us, especially when we are in any type of crisis. Take your learning experience and share with others. That’s what we are here for….to help.
I really hope you don’t have to use this method anytime soon. But if you do, please know that you are not alone in your struggle.

Please let me know how this helped you. I would love to hear your input. Thanks


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Bad Habits I Have

bad habits

Bad Habits I Have

I have a few bad habits that I want to share with you. I am hoping if I admit to these bad habits it will help me work on them.

I have a bad habit of interrupting people when they are speaking. I try real hard but I just can’t keep my mouth shut. I try to be the best listener I can but my mouth won’t stay shut. Seems to be uncontrollable.

I second guess myself too much. Even when I accomplish a task, I think I could/should have done better.

I drink too much pop/soda/cola. I know it’s not good for me, but I drink it anyway. I know it’s bad for my teeth, it adds weight to my body and caffeine is addicting. I drink it anyway.

I have a bad habit by not asking for help when I need it. I am a very independent person and I think I can do almost anything if I set my mind to it. There are times that I need to ask for help and I do everything but ask till it’s almost too late. This one is a work in progress.

I worry way too much. You can call me a worry-wart. There are times that I am consumed with worry. The odd thing is I know I worry too much and I worry about worrying too much.

Now that you know some of my bad habits….What bad habits do you relate to the most.  Take my little poll and we can help each other.