Mother of Necessity

because sometimes, you just have to.


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I Just Didn’t Realize

confussedThe other day I asked “The Kid” to look over a blog that I had written about my folks to edit. (He’s my proofreader). He just stood there, silent with a sad look on his face.

I was puzzled by his reaction. I was thinking, well he’s just being a brat and didn’t want to help me. I couldn’t have been more wrong.

I asked why? His response surprised me. He said “I can’t” Why not? “It makes me sad and heartbroken.” My heart dropped to the floor. I didn’t realize that for him editing the blogs about my folks hurt so much.

He is a great help to me and the folks. He is always there to lend a hand. He has been checking on me to make sure he is there for me. Always asking if I’m ok or asking if I need anything. So, his response surprised me.

He continues to say that he’s not strong like I am. That it’s not easy for him to read in black and white what is happening to his grandparents and reading how this is affecting his mom.

Poor kid. I didn’t even think about how deeply this was impacting him. I knew he was hurting but I didn’t know how much.

He has watched me have sobbing breakdowns, He has watched me stress, listened to my emotional outbursts all the while staying calm, listening, handing me a tissue and hugging me so often that I’m almost bruised. J He’s the strong one. That’s a lot for a young person to carry.

I am not the strong one. I feel emotions deeply. They cut me off at the knees. I cry in the silence of my own home so no one will see my weakness. I put on a brave face to get through the emotional roller coaster I am on. I smile and joke so I won’t feel the sadness or pain. I blog to get those emotions and thoughts out because I can’t handle them bouncing around in my head.

“The Kid” is stronger than I am. He has been dealing with the news of his grandma (Mimi) very well. Or so I thought. On the outside he is helpful, talkative, kind, loving, and supportive but on the inside he is falling apart. I guess neither one of us are that strong but I know that going through this as mom and son we will be right.

They tell you that that the passing of your parents is painful. I had no idea how much my heart would hurt and they aren’t even gone. This journey will be one of the toughest things I will endure.

Some of you that have already been on this ride, and it’s lingering after effects, know the pain I am talking about. It physically hurts and your brain feels like it’s on fire. Accepting those emotions is another small journey in itself.

You think you are mentally prepared for this journey, But you are not. There is nothing in this world that can prepare you for the wide range of emotions and thoughts that run through your head. It consumes you in every way.

There is some good news. That is I have a fantastic support system. I have a wonderful family that loves me unconditionally. I have some of the best prayer warriors out there. I have a son that loves me so much he’s afraid to share his emotions with me because he doesn’t want me to worry or add to the stress level. My folks are the best parents any kid could want. And, I still have time to spend with them and love them even harder than I did before.

I am blessed with riches that some people only dream of having. Every night I am amazed that I made it through the day. With the grace of God, a wonderful family and amazing friends I know tomorrow and the next day will be better. And I will continue to strive to do and be better for my son, my folks and loved ones.

I’m sorry Kid, I just didn’t realize how much you were hurting. I promise to do better and to help you through this. I love you!

P.S. Sorry for any errors on this blog or the past few and future blogs. I no longer have an in house editor.

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My Journey: Mom & Dad-Accepting

hugs

 

Onto the next journey which has already been in motion for a while. That’s the journey I am on with my parents.

As we know, when our parents get older the roles can be reversed and we begin to care for them instead of them caring for us.

If you have read my blogs about my folks you know that Dad is a heart patient and Mom has stage 4 Cirrhosis of the liver (non-alcoholic) and a heart patient. Both are in their 70’s, their health is declining and things are getting harder for them to do.

It’s sad to watch such strong, independent, self-assured, and capable individuals decline. Even if it’s just a little bit and one thing at a time.

My parents have always done things on their own. They have remodeled their home, built a garage, taken care of their property, repaired things around their home, planted gardens, raised 3 kids, taken care of 3 grandkids, helped others, worked in their church and have always been the ones called upon for assistance. My parents have been there for so many.

Now the shoe is on the other foot. Now my parents are the ones needing assistance. Granted they are still very capable of doing so many things, but need some help doing others.

As their child I am heartbroken for them. I know neither one of them want to relinquish their independence or admit that they need help sometimes. It has got to be difficult to ask for help when just a year ago they were capable. What a difference a year makes.

I can only imagine their own struggles they have. They say growing old is not for the weak. I am beginning to understand that statement more and more each day.

This journey I am on with my parents will be tough and heart wrenching. The one thing I am sure of is, I will not regret going on this ride. There have been rides that I have taken in the past and regret but this will not be one of them.

With their permission I will be sharing this journey we are on. Granted most of the posts will be about my journey and sharing a glimpse of theirs. I am not looking for sympathy or kudos. I just thought this would be a good outlet for me and maybe a way to help others that may have to jump on the same type of ride.

 Stage #1 (for me)-Accepting the fact that my parents are not invincible. As children and even adults we want to believe that our parents will be with us forever. The reality is most likely they will not.

Accepting that they need your help. I didn’t want to help because I was holding onto my parents were invincible. If I helped then I had to let go of the dream that they would never perish.

Accepting that my own personal priorities will change. My folks come first and everything else is second.

Accepting that my role as a daughter has changed and will continue to change.

Accepting the new emotional roller coaster ride I am on.

Accepting the reality that they are very sick.

Accepting responsibilities that my folks bestow upon me with grace and love.

Accepting hugs out of the blue.  

Accepting the blessing that will come from this journey.

Yes, I did say, “blessings” I know there will be because I have already had a few.
For right now it’s learning to accept whatever is thrown at us.

I know for me, I will do my hardest to find the blessings even in the emotional craziness that may consume me. I will do my best to accept whatever roadblock, downfall, bad day, funny moments, quite times and quality time I have left with my parents.

Sorry this post is not the most positive, I will work on that. I will do my best to keep you updated once a week on this new journey.

Please feel free to comment or share your journey with me.


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Music Monday: Gordon Mote

Photo by: gaither.com

Photo by: gaither.com

I was planning on doing my family’s favorite music this month. But you know the past week has been a challenge. So here’s one of my Mom’s favorite songs. I hope you enjoy.

Reminder: Look for the little things in your day that bring you joy. Call you mom/Dad and give them big hugs.

Mom’s favorite: Gordon Mote- Mercy Walked In  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ShVKTFS4CSs


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Birthday Surprises and Blessings

Birthday

Today is my Birthday. Where did the last 47 years go? I’m getting old and doing my best to get wiser. I wanted to share with you the surprises I have had this past week.

I got a very nice surprise when I walked into the office on Friday. My desk was decorated and I had a card signed by my whole team. One of the girls that I have become friends with brought in the best doughnuts on the planet to share with the team.

What a pleasant surprise! I loved it!  It was very heartwarming to know that I haven’t been at this company very long but yet they showed me they care. Almost brought me to tears.

When I got home I was surprised to find I had a couple Birthday cards in the mail and a package from some cousins. Got to love my family. They are the best!

The “Kid” even fixed me a great dinner. I got to enjoy a pork roast with potatoes and carrots. That was so yummy. I had no idea he even knew how to cook this. Another great surprise!

 The “Kid” even had a card waiting for me with my favorite candy bar. He picked the most perfect card too. It made me cry. I didn’t know he felt that way. Just another wonderful pleasant surprise.

I awoke this morning to my phone blowing up with texts from family and friends. My Facebook page was a surprise too. Never had so many Birthday wishes before. Just another wonderful surprise.

The last surprise I got this week was not a happy surprise. My mom was diagnosed with state 4 Cirrhosis of the liver (non-alcoholic). She was informed “to get her papers in order”.

It’s been a sad week but yet I have had so many blessings this week as well.  Blessed to have a job and a few wonderful friends from that job.

Blessed that I have so many friends and family that love me enough to show me how much they care.

Blessed that “the Kid” has a kind heart.

Blessed I get to be on this journey with my folks.

Blessed with a loving, supportive and caring family.

This Birthday may not have been one of the greatest for me considering the bad news but it will be one that I remember for a very long time. This Birthday brought in some new blessings, new realities and a new journey. I am blessed.

I will keep you up to date on this journey I am on.

Thank you all for reading, taking the time to comment, like and share my blog. Your support is overwhelming.


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My Journey: New Job-17 Blessings

blessings

The job is going good. Still very slow progress in the actual ‘doing’ my job. But it’s getting better.

This may not be my long-term career and I am ok with that. But while I am here I have to say I am blessed. Here are my blessings:

  1. Slow progress is a good thing. Slow and steady wins the race and it gives me time to really learn the job and shine.
  2. No Stress: I walk out the office door and the job stays there. No a lot of people can say that.
  3. It’s paying the bills. May not have any extra but I am blessed to have my needs met.
  4. Not a big commute. I drive less than 30 minutes one way and only on the freeway for 2 miles. Got to love that.
  5. Close to home and family.
  6. No weekends. This is the first job I have had that started out with no weekend work.
  7. The hours are great. Normal working hours during the day.
  8. Medical benefits. They may not be great but they get the job done.
  9. Attire: Dress casual. I couldn’t afford a brand new wardrobe, but was able to afford the clothes I needed.
  10. No contact with the everyday public.  That’s something new for me. Kind of like it.
  11. No more customer service phone calls with crazy people.
  12. Vacation time already started. I didn’t have to wait 6 months to a year to have time off.
  13. No headset glued to my ears for 8 hours a day.
  14. Fast paced but very doable.
  15. Different type of work environment. This gives me the opportunity to handle something new.
  16. Making a few new friends.
  17. Opportunities to learn new things.

 I am very blessed to have this job. It may be awkward at times but the blessings outweigh the awkwardness. Who knows what the future holds for me but I continue to find the blessings in everything in my life.


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Glen Frey

I didn’t post any music on Monday. So here’s a little something to say good bye to a magical singer, songwriter and composer….Glen Frey of the Eagles.

I grew up listening to the Eagles. The harmonies those 5 men put together was/is magical.  You will be greatly missed Glen, but your music will live on forever.

 Seven Bridges Road

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t7Li1ez-iQ4


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Sticks and Stones

 

Photo by: rossrightangle.wordpress.com

Photo by: rossrightangle.wordpress.com

 I am a short tempered girl. I want to fly off the handle as soon as my feelings are hurt and I want to speak up and let the other person know what they did. I want an apology, I want acknowledgement that you hurt me. I want you to know that you hurt me.

There’s a couple things wrong with this action.

One, the other person may have no idea what they have said to cause me pain. Do I really need to be defensive and blow my top at them over something they have no clue over?

Two, even if that person meant to hurt my feelings. I don’t have to react in that manner to feed into whatever the other person is looking for.

Getting your feelings hurt is not fun. We’ve all done it to others and have had it done to us. This is just human nature. It will continue.

The one thing I have learned is we are the only ones in control of our reactions. Reactions to getting your feelings hurt can open a big can of ugly worms (did I mention I hate worms?) that you were not ready for. Our reactions can help others see the errors of their ways (or not). Our reactions can be nothing at all.

Why do we feel the urge to react so defensively when our feelings are hurt? When our feelings got hurt as children, we would cry, seek comfort (parents) or punch the other kid and run.

We are no longer children and our reactions are a little different. We may still cry and seek comfort but punching someone will lend us a stay in the pokey. Now as adults we have the opportunity to let the other person know what they did and why it hurt us so deeply in a calm and polite manner. Or we can stay silent.

But is that really the answer…to let that person know what they did to hurt us?

The old saying, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me” are very true. They are only words falling out of a person’s mouth. In reality they cannot scar us for life. Yes words are powerful and hold so much meaning, but it’s how we react to those words and how much power we allow those words to hold over us.

If we feed into the hurt comment then we are allowing those words to hold power over us and that person wins. Especially if that person meant to say something hurtful.

If we don’t react, that allows us to figure out if this is a can of ugly worms (did I mention I really don’t like worms?) we want to open. Or the chance to let whatever was said and realize they are just words and does it really matter that my feelings were hurt.

We are adults. Feelings are going to be hurt but we do not have to react as children.
We are adults, it’s our job to be forgiving and love others. Even if they do something that may hurt us.

For me, I am not willing to ruin a friendship because my friend hurt my feelings. I will let it slide, forgive them and move on with my day.

I love and care for that person more than any hurtful thing they can say to me. More than likely my feelings won’t change about them because they hurt me. I am willing to look past the ugly and see the big picture of that relationship.

Now don’t get me wrong, there will be times where I (we) choose to open that can of ugly worms (Yuck!!! Worms). We just need to be prepared and willing to accept the consequences that fall afterwards.

Pick your battles carefully. Smile and forgive or just ignore the ugly stuff. There are more beautiful things to look at or be involved with than to stress over hurt feelings.