Mother of Necessity

because sometimes, you just have to.


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Where Have I Been?

It’s time to play catch-up.  The past few months have been a wild ride.

As you know my mom is sick. The good news is she is not progressing downward. She is maintaining. That is a relief on all of us. Mom still has some bad days and is still getting weak. She has fallen a few times over the past months, but thank goodness there were no major injuries or hospital visits.

In the upcoming weeks she will have a procedure done to try and help with the fluid building up in her stomach area. We are hoping this will make Mom more comfortable and feel much better.

Dad is doing well. We had a scare with him about a month ago. He passed out and went to the hospital. Come to find out his pacemaker/defibrillator was not working right. He had a heart Cath done to make sure all was well. Thank the good Lord above there was no issues. The doctors corrected the pacemaker/defibrillator and he is good as new, well as new as can be at his age.  J

Now onto “the kid”. After he lost his job he fell into a deep depression with anxiety attacks. After months of him trying to cope by himself, he finally reached out for some help.

He is now seeing a therapist and through those visits we have discovered that he is just not a ‘quirky’ kid. He is on the Autism spectrum, very high functioning. Considering ‘the kid’ has gone to college (out of state), can hold a job and take care of himself.

All these years I thought I was raising a ‘quirky’ kid. Come to find out, I couldn’t have been more wrong. This tore me apart. Finding out my parenting skills have been all wrong for him for the past 25 years.  Realizing I was blind to the things right in front of me.

The best part is I can change my parenting skills and he is finding the help he needs. The therapy is helping with is depression and anxiety. In August he is going for testing to verify where he falls in the Autism spectrum.

I love that he has not changed through this journey of discovery about himself. He has a few fears about what all of this means. The biggest fear is he is afraid others will treat him differently or less than. He is still the same quirky and smart kid we all love and adore. We now have an explanation why we raise our eyebrows at times with him.

About the job: I made it through my 90 day probation period. I am finally doing my job. The awkwardness is still there but I am either getting used to it or conforming.

The job is boring but at least I don’t take it home with me. I am still learning and the learning process stresses me out because I feel like I should have this job down by now.

The company is working with me with all the family issues going on. I am very grateful for that.

My supervisor is warming up to me. Killing her with kindness seems to be working.

The past 2 months I have been working 10 hour shifts and overtime on Saturdays. The stress of my finances is getting to me. Working all these hours gives me less time with my parents and ‘the kid’. I don’t like that at all.

At least I have a job to go to and complain about.

Even with all of this going on, it still doesn’t explain why I haven’t been blogging. You would think that I would/should have been writing about all of these issues and doing my own writing therapy. Sharing with others to help them and to get this stuff out of my own head and get some support.

Well, here’s the truth. I was not in a position to write. My brain was/is on overload. Writing was the furthest thing in my mind. Coping with my mom’s illness. Just wrapping my head around that issue was hard enough for me. Let alone the new job. Then discovering ‘the kid’ was falling apart. It was all too much for this little brain to handle.

I was not coping well. I was crying all the time, not sleeping, feeling run down and I felt yucky all the time. I finally broke down and went to the doctor. I was hoping that he would give me a ‘happy’ pill and I would be on my way.

Instead, I got a full work up. I had blood work done and few other tests. When all the test results came back, I found out that I have depression and anxiety (already knew that). I guess ‘the kid’ and I are too much alike. I have high cholesterol, I have developed type 2 diabetes and I have neuropathy in my feet.

WOW, I went to feeling crappy at 40 something to feeling real crappy and 70 in just a matter of minutes.

I did get a ‘happy’ pill, along with few more medications. I am not on insulin injections, thank the Lord for that.

Making the adjustments to taking medications every day and testing my blood sugar was a big deal. I had major side effects to a couple of the medicines. For a few weeks I was completely out of sorts. The side effects have worn off and the ‘happy’ pill is working and so is the diabetic medication. The high cholesterol med is still something the doctor and I are working on. That type of pill is not good for me….the side effects are too bad.

Because of all the stress I lost almost 30 pound before I even went to the doctor. I have changed the way I eat and I have lost a total of 47 pounds in the past 4 months.

My goal is to be off the diabetic medication in a year and be 100 pounds lighter.  Wish me luck.

So there you have it in a nut shell.  A little glimpse into my world the past few months and now you know why it’s taken me so long to get back to writing.

I am hoping that I will add a post a week till things get even better.

Thanks for hanging in there with me. I have missed writing and I have missed all of you.

Please keep checking in. Leave me a note of encouragement or ask me a question. I could really use the support.

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My Journey: Mom and Dad – The Little Things

the little things

You don’t realize how important the little things mean till you watch someone else find joy, peace or pleasure from those little things.

Watching my mom during her hospital stay for the last three weeks was tough. The first few days were the hardest for all of us.

The little things, like watching Mom brush her teeth for the first time after 2 days in bed. She gave me a nice smile and an AHHH!!! I know that had too feel good even though she was still confused and agitated at the time.

My sister doing mom’s hair. That gave her a few minutes of contentment. Mom is always concerned about her hair. My sister did a great job helping mom feel better after her hair was combed, teased and fixed the way she likes it.

Getting a bath. Even if it’s not a real bath. Just having someone clean you up and give you a new gown to sleep in. The nurse was so loving during that time and I could see mom relax a little.

Resting on clean sheets. We all know how nice it is to crawl into a bed with clean sheets. Mom would have a few minutes of peace whenever the nurses or techs changed her bed.

Giving Dad a break from the hospital and seeing his smile when he walked back in the room.

I never knew how much pleasure could come from someone eating ice cream or whipped cream. My mom has a sweet tooth. She eat sweets over any food you put in front of her.

Through her confused state Mom could not order food for herself. We always ordered something sweet, fruits, Jell-O with whipped cream and/or ice cream. She loved the fruits but when we ordered Jell-O with the whipped cream, she would reach for that first, scoop off a spoonful of whipped cream and you could watch her face relax and she would be happy. She did the same thing with the ice cream.

Finally after days of restlessness watching my mom find a comfortable spot on the bed, cover her head with a fuzzy blanket and fall asleep. There is nothing like finding that right position and sleeping soundly. Having a peaceful sleep does the body good.

Hearing your mom snore. That brought all of us peace and joy. Knowing mom was getting the rest she needed was fantastic. We would stop worrying for a while and she was resting peacefully.

Having someone hold your hand and pray for you. Anytime there was a prayer we all held hands and I could see my mom relax a little. If you were holding her hand she would start out with a good grip but by the end her grip had loosened and her body would relax during the prayer.

Lip balm brought relief to mom. If you have ever been in the hospital, you know lip balm is a must. For whatever reason your lips get chapped. We did have to go through several lip balms to find the right one for her. Once we did, she was happy and she felt better not having chapped lips.

Having a pillow and fuzzy blanket from home. We all sleep better in our own bed. When you can’t sleep at home you bring your pillow and blanket with you. It’s like watching a sleeping baby. It brought a smile to my face knowing my mom was comfortable.

The little things are so important, they may not seem like much at the time but if you are sick those little things add up.

***Mom is finally home from the hospital and physical therapy. She is doing better. There’s nothing like the comfort of your own bed and relaxing in your favorite chair. Being surrounded by your loved ones and setting in the house that you worked so hard to make a home.

I am so thankful this little ordeal is over and Mom is back home. Thank you all so much for your love, support and understanding.


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My Journey: Mom and Dad – Blessings

blessingsAs Mom’s hospital stay began to get better I was able to look at the week and reflect on the blessings we had.

I am thankful she fell. If she would not have fallen we would not have known that her blood pressure would bottom out when she stood. This could have caused more damage than the fall or worse it could have killed her. So, yes, I am thankful she fell so the doctors could find the problem and fix it.

We were blessed with some good doctors in the ER. Dr. Padgett was the one that decided she needed to stay overnight. If it weren’t for him, Mom would have come home and maybe fallen again and we would have never known about the blood pressure issue or her being dehydrated.

We were blessed with some amazing nurses and technicians. These ladies were God sent. They were so attentive to mom and my family.

The first tech we had, Trish went to the same church that long time family friends attend. She prayed for my mom right there in the room. Trish prayed several times with our family as she attended to Mom.

The night nurse, Melissa was fantastic. She was the nurse on duty when I spent the night with mom. We ran her to death. Melissa was in Mom’s room every 30 minutes making sure everything was ok, trying to settle mom down or taking mom to the bathroom. Melissa did this with a smile and had the patience like none other.

Hanna, Sue, Alice, Amber, Angela, Jenny and Taylor were all amazing. Taking care of Mom and even us. They all went above the call of duty. My family was blessed to have such a great team of care givers. Not one nurse or tech was unpleasant. They all walked into the room with a smile on their face and treated Mom like a queen.

I was blessed to meet the ‘environmentalist’, Martina. She came in to clean Mom’s room. She and I had a nice chat. I discovered that she missed Church Sunday morning because she switched shifts to help a co-worker. I said I missed Church too. She asked why mom was there. I shared our story. She cried with me and asked if she could pray for us. I gladly said ‘yes’. Martina mentioned that she would add Mom to her church prayer list.

We are blessed to have such a great family. So many calling to check on Mom. A lot of emails have been sent with their concerns and prayers. Many of them coming to the hospital to visit mom and to check on us.

My folks are blessed with great friends. Many calling almost every day to check on both of them.

Blessed that my folks church family is so supportive and for the continuous prayers.

We are blessed with the jobs my siblings and I have, that allowed us to stay with Mom anytime we needed to.

There have been so many people involved over the past week that we were blessed with. I know I am not remembering all of them. If I left anyone out, just know you have been a blessing to me and my family.

I am blessed to have readers like you that support me and show your love and understanding with likes and comments.

I am humbled by the out-pouring love, concern and prayers for my family.


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My Journey: Mom and Dad –Scary Week

hospitalLife sure does throw you some curve balls sometimes. Last Tuesday I got a phone call at 4:30 am. It was my mom telling me she fell. Hearing this woke me up very quickly. I asked if she was ok, and she begins to tell me what happened.

She woke up to go to the bathroom, once she was there mom got dizzy and fell. She hit the counter top of the sink and landed in the bathtub. She hit her back, belly and her head. I could hear that she was scared. I got dressed and drove straight over. When I arrived Mom was setting in the living room, she was white as a sheet and scared.

I called the squad. They arrived within 7 minutes. That’s pretty quick since mom and dad live about 6 miles away from the nearest town and the fire department is all volunteers. The EMT’s scooped her up and we were on our way to the hospital.

Dad and I were so concerned for her.  When a person is 70 something, has cirrhosis of the liver and is a heart patient, a fall is scary. She could have a concussion, broken bones, internal bleeding or any number of things.

The doctor and nurses checked her out thoroughly and ran a few test. Thank the good Lord she did not have any head injuries or broken bones. The ER doctor decided to keep her overnight for observation since she fell and hit her head. They wanted to make sure nothing would develop.

My sister spent the night with mom on Tuesday. Since dad had been up with mom since she fell early that morning. Overnight mom became very confused, anxious, agitated and restless. She was not resting and not acting like mom.

Boy did my sister have her hands full. Mom was so restless she did not sleep at all. Mom was more confused and very upset. My poor sister didn’t get any rest, mom was running her legs off.

In hindsight, I am so thankful the hospital doctor did not release her that day. By Wednesday things turned.

The doctors ran more test and those came back negative. We could not figure out what happed to make her so sick. It’s scary to watch your loved one suffer. You feel so helpless.

Thursday the hospital ran a couple more tests and found out that mom was dehydrated and her blood pressure would bottom out every time she stood up. This was the cause for the fall. The doctors began to make some changes to her medicines and began to hydrate mom. We were hoping to see a change. That did not come on Thursday. Mom hadn’t slept in almost 48 hours and she was still very confused and just not a happy camper.

Thursday Dad spent the night with mom. Another sleepless night for both of them. Mom was still confused and not happy. My Dad worried all night and did everything he could to help her but mom wouldn’t have any of it. It didn’t matter what any of us did she was not going to rest.

Friday was more of the same. But she was beginning to sleep a little. I do mean a little. She slept for a couple of hours but during her sleep she was very fidgety. She would pick at her blanket, move her pillows, roll from side to side and mumble.

Throughout the week mom would share her dislike by giving us the evil eye as Dad calls it. If looks could kill, my sister would be dead at this time. Mom would curl up her lip at a nurse she didn’t care for or roll her eyes as a doctor would leave the room. Mom may have been very confused but she sure could communicate what or who she didn’t like.

I spent the night Friday with Mom. I got to see firsthand what my Dad and sister were contending with. I found out quickly I was one of those people she didn’t like. I got the evil eye and mom informed a nurse that I was the meanest kid she had.

I know my Mom loves me and this did not offend me. She didn’t know what she was saying, she was just communicating her dislike about the situation and I happened to be there.

Friday night was another sleepless night for both of us. Mom didn’t rest at all. She was constantly fidgeting with things, throwing her blankets and pillows to the floor, playing with the bed rails, mumbling about things and people that weren’t there.

What a scary thing to watch. Seeing your mom is such a state and you are completely helpless. That messes with your head.

Saturday was more of the same but Mom did sleep a little bit. Still restless but sleeping.

My sister spent the night Saturday. Things were a little better. Mom slept for an hour and a half during the night. Mom was still running our legs off and sharing her dislikes.

Sunday was different story. By 8:30 am Mom was sleeping soundly, no fidgeting and no mumbling, she was snoring. As my sister said, I never thought the sound of snoring would be so peaceful.

It was a good day. Mom slept most of the day and when she was awake, she was no longer confused or agitated. She finally ate more than 4 bites for dinner. It was so nice to see my mom and not the ‘sick’ mom.

Mom slept all night Sunday and almost completely back to her normal self.

Mom will go to physical therapy to help her gain strength and learn how to use some helpful tools to get mobility so she can come home. She is on her way to recovering from this scary ordeal.

I have to thank all the nurses, doctors and technicians for all their hard work in getting my mom feeling better.

Thank you to those who are praying for mom and our family.

Thank you to my readers for your understanding and patience as I juggle the new job, my family and trying to write blogs.


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Music Monday: LaPorsha Renea

AMerican idolI have been an American Idol fan since season 3. I haven’t always enjoyed the show or some of the judges but I do enjoy listening to all the singers.

I have had my favorites over the years but none that has struck me from the beginning. That would be LaPorsha Renea. Her back story is sad but she has the spirit of a survivor. I love that. To top it off she is an amazing singer.

I am a fan and thought I would share.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rpt_kGf5LWE  “Diamonds”

She received one of the longest standing ovations and cheers for the song Diamonds. Just amazing.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_zQHXa7Pt-M “Summertime”

La’Porsha Renae & Fantasia what a great duet. Summertime is the song Fantasia sang in her season to win American Idol.

I hope you have a great week. Keep your radio on and keep singing that tune in your head.


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Sorry for the Interruption

I have missed blogging this week. Trying to get things in order and organized. Lots of list making this week. Have I mentioned how much I enjoy making lists?

Tons of little things to take care and you never know how much time and effort those little things can take when you add them all up. Before I know it those little things will be the stuff that weighs me down later. No time like the present to get motivated and check a multiple items off the list.

Sorry I haven’t posted anything new this week. I’ll be back….This coming Monday with some music and a couple new posts for the week.

Thanks for being patient. You guys are the best.

Side note: Being an adult is not what it’s cracked up to be.

I hope you are having a beautiful week. Have a great weekend and see you on Monday.


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40 Things Money Can’t Buy

It’s been another busy week. As I am finally settling down to relax, my mind shifts to my surroundings and I think of all the money I have spent on ‘stuff’. Stuff that really has no other purpose than to make my home feel aesthetically pleasing.

I look around and realize that most of the “stuff” I have I don’t need. I can live without the mirror in the hall, I don’t have to have a picture/photo on every wall. I really don’t need all these trinkets/knickknacks on every shelf. I don’t even need the shelf.

No Money

This made me think of things that I don’t spend money on and how much joy I have by NOT spending money on “stuff”.

  1. Feeling the warmth of the sun on my face.
  2. Listening to the leaves blow on the trees
  3. Seeing “The Kid” smile
  4. Spending time with my mom and dad
  5. Listening to dad tell a funny story
  6. Listening to mom talk about her siblings
  7. Laughing with my sister
  8. Listening to music with my brother
  9. Seeing a beautiful sunset
  10. Having a great conversation with one of my cousins
  11. Learning something new
  12. Spending time in prayer
  13. Watching my great nephew play with his Papaw
  14. Watching the ducks/geese play at our local park
  15. Sharing a meal with a loved one
  16. Accomplishing a task  
  17. Helping my neighbor with a chore
  18. Opening up the windows and doors on a beautiful spring day
  19. The smell of a freshly cut lawn
  20. Watching the success of my niece and nephew
  21. Listening to my Mom’s siblings sing from old recordings
  22. Hearing a great sermon preached
  23. Taking a long hot shower
  24. Going through old photos
  25. Singing, even though I sound terrible
  26. Dancing in the kitchen with “the Kid”
  27. Making my mom laugh
  28. A good night’s rest
  29. A good day’s work
  30. People watching
  31. Making my “To-do” lists for the week
  32. Quiet time to reflect
  33. Taking a drive…..Yes, I know I spent money on the gas.
  34. Taking photos on my drive
  35. Taking a walk
  36. Writing a blog
  37. Seeing my family having fun and making memories
  38. Getting organized
  39. Listening to music
  40. Being surrounded by God’s creations.

As I write this, my house is open, the sun is shining through. I hear cyclist on the bike path, children playing on my street. A soft cool breeze is blowing through the house. I smell someone grilling out for the first time this year. I also smell one of my neighbors baking a cake or cookies. I hear “The Kid” laughing in his room while he plays an on-line game.

I have heard a great sermon and listened to some great music. I have made mom laugh today. I have achieved a few tasks and now off to fix food for my loved ones.

Could my day be any better?  I don’t think so. And I didn’t spend a penny. I have had a full enriched, joyful day. The best part, it’s not over yet.

How do you find your joy without spending any money?