Mother of Necessity

because sometimes, you just have to.


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Taking a Breath

time outWith so much going on lately I decided to just set and take a breath. I needed to reflect on….. Well, everything.

The past few months have been a wild ride. I started a new job, getting adjusted to job, there was a death in the family, Mom and all her health struggles, “The Kid” and all his indecisiveness, unfinished projects and this roller coaster ride of emotions. It’s been overwhelming to say the least.

I realize that what is on my plate most people can slide on by without missing a beat. I do not have that type of personality. I carry the weight of the world on my shoulders by choice. I don’t know why but I do. So here I am…Needing that minute to catch up and catch my breath.

I needed to get some perspective, grieve, get caught up and just breathe for a few minutes.

The past few days have been good. I have been able to get a few projects done, started a new project. I gave myself the opportunity to grieve for my uncle and really think about what he had done for me and the family. I had a great conversation with “The Kid” that was long overdue. I am getting more comfortable with the job.

I need to practice what I preach more often. I forgot to reflect on everyday and find the joy in each moment. I was being selfish and only thinking about what I was feeling or doing. I was having a pity party for myself. That is no place to be when you have so much going on. You forget about the little things and focus on the weight you are carrying.

That is not good for anyone. We all need to reflect and take a moment to breathe through the junk so we can find some peace in the crazy around us. 

Once I began to settle into my reflections I realized that I had missed a few blessings this week.

Mom, my sister and I had a great visit the other day. All 3 of us laughed till we cried. I hadn’t seen mom do that in years.  It was a sweet moment to watch and be a part of. It warmed my heart listening to my mom, my sister and I joke around, laugh and have a fun time. I’m going to miss that.

I had a few cousins and some family friends check in on me, just to see how I was doing. What a blessing to have people care for you that they take the time to show you how much.

My new friend at work has been very supportive. She listens to me while I share stories about my family and laughs with me at our goofiness. She is a sweet heart. What a blessing to have a new friend.

What a blessing to have one of my fellow bloggers reach out with such kind, loving words of encouragement. Thank you nopassingfancy.  Check out her blog at…….. https://nopassingfancy.wordpress.com/. 

I am hoping and praying that this week coming up I will be able to stop, take a breath and reflect on the good moments and not hold onto the heaviness of my emotions.

I encourage you to join me on taking a breath to enjoy the things around you.

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Sticks and Stones

 

Photo by: rossrightangle.wordpress.com

Photo by: rossrightangle.wordpress.com

 I am a short tempered girl. I want to fly off the handle as soon as my feelings are hurt and I want to speak up and let the other person know what they did. I want an apology, I want acknowledgement that you hurt me. I want you to know that you hurt me.

There’s a couple things wrong with this action.

One, the other person may have no idea what they have said to cause me pain. Do I really need to be defensive and blow my top at them over something they have no clue over?

Two, even if that person meant to hurt my feelings. I don’t have to react in that manner to feed into whatever the other person is looking for.

Getting your feelings hurt is not fun. We’ve all done it to others and have had it done to us. This is just human nature. It will continue.

The one thing I have learned is we are the only ones in control of our reactions. Reactions to getting your feelings hurt can open a big can of ugly worms (did I mention I hate worms?) that you were not ready for. Our reactions can help others see the errors of their ways (or not). Our reactions can be nothing at all.

Why do we feel the urge to react so defensively when our feelings are hurt? When our feelings got hurt as children, we would cry, seek comfort (parents) or punch the other kid and run.

We are no longer children and our reactions are a little different. We may still cry and seek comfort but punching someone will lend us a stay in the pokey. Now as adults we have the opportunity to let the other person know what they did and why it hurt us so deeply in a calm and polite manner. Or we can stay silent.

But is that really the answer…to let that person know what they did to hurt us?

The old saying, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me” are very true. They are only words falling out of a person’s mouth. In reality they cannot scar us for life. Yes words are powerful and hold so much meaning, but it’s how we react to those words and how much power we allow those words to hold over us.

If we feed into the hurt comment then we are allowing those words to hold power over us and that person wins. Especially if that person meant to say something hurtful.

If we don’t react, that allows us to figure out if this is a can of ugly worms (did I mention I really don’t like worms?) we want to open. Or the chance to let whatever was said and realize they are just words and does it really matter that my feelings were hurt.

We are adults. Feelings are going to be hurt but we do not have to react as children.
We are adults, it’s our job to be forgiving and love others. Even if they do something that may hurt us.

For me, I am not willing to ruin a friendship because my friend hurt my feelings. I will let it slide, forgive them and move on with my day.

I love and care for that person more than any hurtful thing they can say to me. More than likely my feelings won’t change about them because they hurt me. I am willing to look past the ugly and see the big picture of that relationship.

Now don’t get me wrong, there will be times where I (we) choose to open that can of ugly worms (Yuck!!! Worms). We just need to be prepared and willing to accept the consequences that fall afterwards.

Pick your battles carefully. Smile and forgive or just ignore the ugly stuff. There are more beautiful things to look at or be involved with than to stress over hurt feelings.


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Searching For The Positive

postiveWe are surrounded by terrible stories, events and personal tragedies every day. Stories that make you weep for others. Personal issues that would make others wither.  These things can either soften your heart or harden your heart.

The way I see it, we have become desensitized towards things that we either don’t care or don’t bother to get involved.  We have become so sensitive that everything offends us or we are looking for things to offend us just so we can be heard.

That is no way live. Yes, there are terrible things going one in our world and personal lives, but this does not mean that we have to succumb to the negative things around us. We don’t have to be numb about everything and we don’t have to be so sensitive either. There is a middle ground called positive thinking.

Positive thinking allows us to be in the moment to weep for others but also be blessed knowing that, that ‘story’ could be us.

Now don’t take that the wrong way. I don’t want you to think I don’t care. Because I do. Let me put it this way.

My mom is very sick. It’s hard for me to watch her health decline. It’s an emotional roller coaster with lots of low thoughts. You know what, I would not have it any other way. Because I know it’s my turn to take this journey. I am grateful that I don’t have to be on the path by myself. Grateful that I have family to help me. Grateful for everyday my parents are still here.

Where there is a negative there will ALWAYS be a positive.

I am a realist at heart. It’s easy for me to see the negative first. But, I also search for the positive in any situation. If I can deal with the negative, I know for a fact there will always be positives too.   

We just have to stop and search for the positive. We may not always see the positive at first. That’s why we search. For instance: if you are working on a jig-saw puzzle, sometimes it’s better to turn the picture on the box upside down or the puzzle upside down to get a new perspective. It doesn’t always work but we were able to fit a few more pieces together in the puzzle because of a new perspective.

Searching for the positive takes some energy if you are not used to doing so. But I will tell you, it is well worth the effort.

Practice this the next time you are in the car and find yourself frustrated because the guy in front of you is doing 45 in a 55.  Think of it this way, now you have the time to enjoy that beautiful sunrise, or maybe that is God intervening and saving you from an accident. Either way that is a positive. It will be fine that you are a few minutes late for work.

Things happen and it’s up to us to deal with those things in a positive manner. Which means we have to search the positive first in order for there to be a positive reaction.


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Wanting To Help, But Can’t?

free hugsSomething on my heart.

Have you ever been in the position that you know you can’t help someone or comfort someone in need. Especially when your heart is breaking for that loved one(s)? The past month or so has been that for me.

My heart aches that so many of my loved ones are hurting and there is nothing in my power to help or comfort them. Which breaks my heart even more.

As you already know I am a control freak and I want to help others. Not being able to assist them in anyway makes me feel like I have failed them in in some way or that I am a bad cousin, friend, Aunt, sister, daughter and/or mother.

I don’t like seeing loved ones (anyone) suffer or struggle. It truly saddens me to the core that they have to go through the pain. I realize they have their own support. But I’m not helping. I am not contributing in the help.

How do I help someone when there’s nothing you can say or do to help take away the pain?

Here is what I have concluded. There is something you can do to help. It may not be cleaning their home, or even being that should to cry on. You can be there with your love and support.

  1. Make that phone call. Let them know you are just checking in. Sometimes that opens the door for a conversation that needs to be set free.
  2. Text them and let them know you are thinking of them.
  3. Send an e-mail. An e-mail allows the other person a chance to open up and share when they can’t actually talk about the struggle.
  4. Send a card (handwritten). Take the time to write down your love and concern you have for them and make sure you open that line of communication. Sometimes just knowing that someone is in your corner is enough to get them through the day.
  5. When/if they reach out to you….listen to them. They NEED to talk. It doesn’t matter what the content is, LISTEN. They NEED you to listen.
  6. Be there. Just be present for them.
  7. Hug them, sometimes a hug breaks down the barrier. Hug them till they stop hugging you. Let them hold on for dear life if needed.
  8. Prayer is something you can do to help comfort them in a way no one else can. God is the only one that has the power to bring peace to a hurting soul.

Your actions do not have to be large gestures, just your love. I know the above do not sound like a lot of help. But, I have been informed by others that sometimes the smallest act of kindness/love is the greatest help. Supporting hurting individuals is tough because it never seems to be enough. You just being there for them is enough.


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Are You Ready For Winter?

My answer….never. I do love the change of the seasons but my least favorite is winter.

When I got up this morning there was a heavy frost outside. It was beautiful but cold. I don’t enjoy the cold. I took a walk and snagged a photo hoping it would change my outlook. It didn’t….still don’t like the cold or winter even though it is pretty.

Photo by: Mother of Necessity

Photo by: Mother of Necessity

There is a four letter word that I swear is a cuss word and I cringe every time I hear it……..SNOW.

I am never mentally prepared for winter. I’m probably going to jinx Ohio for saying this, but I am grateful that it is December and we have yet to see that white fluffy stuff falling from the sky. Grateful that it hasn’t been so cold yet that I haven’t broken out the winter garb.

It’s coming, I know it is, so I might as well get prepared for the inevitable.

Here are a few things that I do to get prepared for that dreaded yucky winter.

  1. Make sure I have hat’s gloves and boots.
  2. Dig the snow shovel out and inspect it, so I know it will work.
  3. Buy a few bags of salt for my sidewalk and path to my car.
  4. Put a bag of salt in the trunk of car. I can always use it in an emergency. I can use it when it’s icy in any parking lot. I can use the unopened bag under a tire if I get stuck and it’s added weight to the car to help with traction.
  5. Keep an extra pair of gloves, hat, a pair of socks, jacket, a blanket, bottled water and a few snacks in the car in case I get stranded.
  6. I never let my car get below a quarter tank of gas. I want to make sure I have gas to stay warm if I get stranded or if I get stuck in traffic.
  7. I put plastic on my windows of my home to keep the warmth in. It saves on my fuel bill too.
  8. Kerosene heater with 5 gallons of fuel. Just in case the electricity goes out. This will keep a couple rooms warm, it will prevent my pipes from freezing and it’s another way to cook food if there is no electricity.
  9. Stock up on canned goods, bread, snacks and water. If I’m not able to leave the house I want to make sure I have something to eat while I am waiting for the snow to stop falling.
  10. Get my car inspected and fix whatever problem there is. I have the oil changed, and get new wipers. I want my car to be extra safe in the winter. I am too old to be setting in a broken car waiting for a tow truck.
  11. I keep lip balm and lotion in my purse. The winter does a number on this old menopausal skin.
  12. I get an extra box of tissues and stock up on cold/sinus medication. It never fails, I always get the flu, a bad cold or have a sinus infection this time of year.
  13. I open my blinds during the day to let the sun help heat my home. It saves on fuel and can brighten you mood too.
  14. Last:  I pray that this winter is mild and I don’t have to use any of the above items.

I hope this winter passes without incident for all of you.

What do you do to be prepared for the yucky winter months?


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My Journey: New Job-Fitting In

The past few weeks have been tough ones for me. I started a new job, helped with our family Thanksgiving dinner, we had a death in the family, and I helped organized and cook for the funeral lunch.

The new job has been hard enough for me to deal with let alone all the other things going on.

I am not used to getting up so early. Not working for a year had my sleeping habits skewed. Buying clothes and going through that torment was rough.

friends

Now trying to fit in at a new company. This has turned out to be a challenge for me. I am not used to that, in the past I have been able to make at least one connection and made a friend by the 2nd day.

This has not been the case this time around. I have been struggling trying to make new friends. I know I am a goober and have my own unique ways. But really??? Still no connections. I think I have lost my touch.

The company I am working for is one of the most different and odd places I have ever been in.  There are no cliques. Everyone pretty much keeps to themselves. It took 5 days before I heard laughter in the office. That just blows my mind.

I know this is a workplace, but come on….no laughing? Even outside where the smokers gather…no one talks to each other.  Just weird.

I have never been in an office setting where there is silence and you can hear every cough, sneeze and phone conversation. Did I mention this office holds around 100 people?

I have been trying to make friends by jumping into light conversations with a joke but they seem to ignore me. I have introduced myself to over 50 people and I get nothing in return.

I was beginning to get paranoid, thinking they don’t want to have anything to do with the ‘fat’ girl or the old woman. Yes, I am the oldest person on my team. Even my 3 supervisors could be my children. I was thinking maybe I was the smelly kid in the classroom or my attire didn’t fit in.

I know none of those are true. I am not the only ’big’ person there, I am not the oldest person in the facility, my clothes are just as nice as everyone else’s and I shower every morning.

What am I doing wrong? I may not be the most social individual but I can carry on a conversation.

Today something happened. I was setting with one of my team members shadowing her. We began to talk and she was sharing all kinds of information about her family and baby. I let her do all the talking and didn’t share one piece of personal information.

What I did though was share my personality as she spoke. I made sarcastic comments that directed back to my behavior and listened carefully to her stories and asked questions.

After a few hours setting with her, one of our team members jumps into the conversation. He looks me in the eye and says…..Can I ask you a person question? I said, sure just ask long as it’s not my weight. We all laughed at that one.

He asked me how old I was. I responded honestly. He had a big grin on his face and said, thank goodness, I am no longer the ‘old man’ on the team, we now have an old lady. I had to laugh. I know how he feels.

That was that. I made 2 friends within minutes all because I gave them the opportunity to share with me.

I have been doubting my choice by accepting the job offer after the past couple of weeks. But now, I think I will hang in there a little longer to see where this weird ride takes me.

You are never too old to learn how to make friends.


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50 Things I Need To Get Rid Of In My Home

trash can

We all need less clutter in our homes. I have down-sized my home a few times. Generally when I move, need some cash or just sick of looking at all the junk. It’s time to do it again.

This time I am taking on a new approach. I am going to tackle each room and closet with the intent to only keep the things I truly need and keep the things that make me happy. I want everything in my home to bring me joy. The rest is history.

I will make a sell, trash and donate piles for each task I tackle. As soon as that task is completed I will make sure the trash is taken out, the donate pile will be taken to my organization of choice and my sell pile will be tagged and ready to go for those selling websites or a garage sale.

I know this will take me a while to complete. The end result will be a less cluttered home and I will feel a sense of relief to have these things in my house no longer weighing me down. My home will be a happy place.

Here is my checklist of things I will be getting rid.

  1. Out dated food and spices. That even means that foil wrapped item that’s been in my freezer for a year (whatever it may be). If I don’t use the spice on a regular basis it’s gone.
  2. Mugs/coffee cups. How many do I really need when it’s just me and ‘The Kid’ in the house? We don’t even drink coffee.
  3. Kitchen utensils. Will I really use 3 whisks and 2 sets of measuring cups at one time?
  4. Pots/pans and baking dishes. I don’t need all those baking dishes. I don’t bake.
  5. Kitchen gadgets. I have never used my blender. It’s time to go.
  6. How many serving platers does one person need? Do I really need that chip/dip set that has Christmas decor on it, when I have a nice everyday set? The Christmas set has to go.
  7. I need to get rid of that bag full of twist ties in the junk drawer. I think I have used one out of that bag since I started my collection. Time for the trash.
  8. Left over containers. I need to get rid of those bowls that have no lids, or lids that have no bowls.
  9. Magnets on the fridge. I don’t need 20. Maybe 3-4 just to hang notes or invite reminders.
  10. Grocery bags. I don’t need 50 plastic bags in the house. Maybe 10 bags. I think I will put the rest in my garage sale pile so I have bags for the customers to carry home their goodies.
  11. Chip clips. There’s usually one or two bags in the house. I don’t need 6 of those things and a clothes pin works great too.
  12. Take out menus. Most places have their menus online.
  13. Why do I keep those rugs that I trip over every day? GONE!!!
  14. Old make-up. If I haven’t used it, it needs to go. Even the new stuff. If I haven’t used it in a few weeks….Gone.
  15. Nail polish. If it’s dried up or I don’t like the color, time for the trash.
  16. Hair products/shampoo. If I don’t like it or it didn’t work, get rid of it.
  17. I have got to get rid of those stretched out hair bands and those awful clips.
  18. Why do I have 6 old used tooth brushes? Keep one and store it with the cleaning supplies to get those hard to reach places.
  19. I have to get rid of all those samplers. I don’t need 6 tiny shampoo bottles, and 6 of those tiny soaps.
  20. Old or broken curling irons and straighteners, blow-dryers and electric razors. Trash time.
  21. Anything that is too big, too small, too ugly, I don’t like, or haven’t worn in the last season, they are out of here.
  22. Belts and purses. If the belts are broken, worn out, ugly or never worn they are history. If I haven’t used the purse in a year….Gone.
  23. Socks and panty hose. I have to get rid of those unmatched and holey socks. There is no reason to have 10 pairs of panty hose in a drawer that I haven’t worn in over a year.
  24. Under garments. Time to let go of those personable items I no longer wear or like.
  25. Sheets/blankets and pillows. 2 sets of sheets for each bed is enough. There is no reason that I should have 6 extra bed pillows and blankets that I have never used.
  26. Why do I still have a pair of shoes from the 90’s? Out of fashion, no longer like, or just ugly…time for a new home.
  27. Jackets and coats. Great time of the year to donate these items. Time to let go of that coat that is 2 sizes too small.
  28. Hats/gloves and scarves. Do I really need 7 winter scarves, 8 pairs of gloves and 4 winter hats? Time to downsize those too. Just going to keep 2 of each for variety.
  29. I need one for each car and an extra one just in case. That makes three. Time to let the other 3 go.
  30. Time to let go of that one earring that I have don’t have the match to. Time to release my out dated necklaces. If they are the good stuff I may have to take them to get melted down for cash.
  31. Board games/card games. If I haven’t pulled the game out in a year…..it’s gone. And why do I have 6 decks of playing cards?
  32. If I still have any, they are out of here.
  33. If I haven’t read it in 6 months, I probably won’t read it. DONATE. If I have read it why am I holding on to it? I will give away to family members or donate them.
  34. I like my movies but I really need to get rid of some. Time to go through those and lighten my load. If I haven’t watched in the past year I will get rid of it.
  35. Merchandise boxes. If the warranty is expired there is no need for the box. If I have the receipt, there is no need for the box.
  36. Any empty box, recycle or use for garage sale or donate piles.
  37. Old cell phones…..DONATE
  38. Pens/pencils/markers. I have a shoe box full of this stuff. I will only keep a few good working pens, a couple of pencils and one good marker. Just enough to keep in my desk drawer.
  39. Paper work. Keep only the last 7 years of my taxes and such. The rest will be shredded.
  40. Office supplies. I don’t need push pins or thumb tacks. I don’t need 15 tablets or a 600 post it notes. I don’t need a paper punch or 10 blank folders. They all have to go. Why do I have staples and no stapler?
  41. Out dated calendars.
  42. Magazines/catalogs. If I have read them, I no longer need them.
  43. Eye glasses. I have a collection of these too. I HAVE to donate these.
  44. Out dated phone books. Shoot, I really don’t need any phone books. Almost every business phone number can be found online.
  45. Old electronics. I don’t use that old hand-held Tetris game anymore. Why do I still have that outdate software? I have no use for a VCR either. Why am I keeping that broken set of head phones? I have no use for those box speakers. I can’t remember the last time I listened to that boom box. Why do I have so many cords that don’t belong to anything?  All gone.
  46. Luggage/duffel bags.  I don’t need 3 carry on suitcases. Really!!!! I have 6 duffle bags, WHY?
  47. Holiday decorations. If I haven’t used it for the season, there is no reason for me to keep it.
  48. If my project is done, then I need to get rid of the supplies. If I haven’t completed the project in the past 6 months, I will never finish it. Time to go.
  49. Wall décor. If I don’t like it or it doesn’t bring a smile to my face….it’s gone
  50. Knick-Knacks. Why am I cluttering up my house with things I don’t like?

That’s my list. I’m sure I have missed a few things. Maybe you can use my list to help you find your joy in your home.

Tell me some of the things you want to get rid of in your home.