Mother of Necessity

because sometimes, you just have to.


Leave a comment

Sticks and Stones

 

Photo by: rossrightangle.wordpress.com

Photo by: rossrightangle.wordpress.com

 I am a short tempered girl. I want to fly off the handle as soon as my feelings are hurt and I want to speak up and let the other person know what they did. I want an apology, I want acknowledgement that you hurt me. I want you to know that you hurt me.

There’s a couple things wrong with this action.

One, the other person may have no idea what they have said to cause me pain. Do I really need to be defensive and blow my top at them over something they have no clue over?

Two, even if that person meant to hurt my feelings. I don’t have to react in that manner to feed into whatever the other person is looking for.

Getting your feelings hurt is not fun. We’ve all done it to others and have had it done to us. This is just human nature. It will continue.

The one thing I have learned is we are the only ones in control of our reactions. Reactions to getting your feelings hurt can open a big can of ugly worms (did I mention I hate worms?) that you were not ready for. Our reactions can help others see the errors of their ways (or not). Our reactions can be nothing at all.

Why do we feel the urge to react so defensively when our feelings are hurt? When our feelings got hurt as children, we would cry, seek comfort (parents) or punch the other kid and run.

We are no longer children and our reactions are a little different. We may still cry and seek comfort but punching someone will lend us a stay in the pokey. Now as adults we have the opportunity to let the other person know what they did and why it hurt us so deeply in a calm and polite manner. Or we can stay silent.

But is that really the answer…to let that person know what they did to hurt us?

The old saying, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me” are very true. They are only words falling out of a person’s mouth. In reality they cannot scar us for life. Yes words are powerful and hold so much meaning, but it’s how we react to those words and how much power we allow those words to hold over us.

If we feed into the hurt comment then we are allowing those words to hold power over us and that person wins. Especially if that person meant to say something hurtful.

If we don’t react, that allows us to figure out if this is a can of ugly worms (did I mention I really don’t like worms?) we want to open. Or the chance to let whatever was said and realize they are just words and does it really matter that my feelings were hurt.

We are adults. Feelings are going to be hurt but we do not have to react as children.
We are adults, it’s our job to be forgiving and love others. Even if they do something that may hurt us.

For me, I am not willing to ruin a friendship because my friend hurt my feelings. I will let it slide, forgive them and move on with my day.

I love and care for that person more than any hurtful thing they can say to me. More than likely my feelings won’t change about them because they hurt me. I am willing to look past the ugly and see the big picture of that relationship.

Now don’t get me wrong, there will be times where I (we) choose to open that can of ugly worms (Yuck!!! Worms). We just need to be prepared and willing to accept the consequences that fall afterwards.

Pick your battles carefully. Smile and forgive or just ignore the ugly stuff. There are more beautiful things to look at or be involved with than to stress over hurt feelings.

Advertisements


4 Comments

2015 In Review- One Year Anniversary

WOW!!! It will be one year tomorrow since I started blogging. The love and support I have is amazing. Your encouragement means the world to me. You all ROCK!!!!

I am amazed that I have over 300 followers. I have posted 152 posts including this one. The blog has been viewed almost 5,000 times. I have reached over 50 countries. I am shocked that so many have taken the time to read this simple blog.

I am blessed to have you in my blogging world. You encourage me to do so much more.

I have no idea what the future holds for me and the blog. I can’t wait to see what happens next and where this journey takes me. I also hope you join me on these little adventures.

Thank you so much for all the comments, likes, shares and pins over the past year. I wouldn’t be doing this good without you.

Here are some stats from WordPress for  you to review my/our progress.

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2015 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

A New York City subway train holds 1,200 people. This blog was viewed about 4,900 times in 2015. If it were a NYC subway train, it would take about 4 trips to carry that many people.

Click here to see the complete report.


Leave a comment

50 Things I Need To Get Rid Of In My Home

trash can

We all need less clutter in our homes. I have down-sized my home a few times. Generally when I move, need some cash or just sick of looking at all the junk. It’s time to do it again.

This time I am taking on a new approach. I am going to tackle each room and closet with the intent to only keep the things I truly need and keep the things that make me happy. I want everything in my home to bring me joy. The rest is history.

I will make a sell, trash and donate piles for each task I tackle. As soon as that task is completed I will make sure the trash is taken out, the donate pile will be taken to my organization of choice and my sell pile will be tagged and ready to go for those selling websites or a garage sale.

I know this will take me a while to complete. The end result will be a less cluttered home and I will feel a sense of relief to have these things in my house no longer weighing me down. My home will be a happy place.

Here is my checklist of things I will be getting rid.

  1. Out dated food and spices. That even means that foil wrapped item that’s been in my freezer for a year (whatever it may be). If I don’t use the spice on a regular basis it’s gone.
  2. Mugs/coffee cups. How many do I really need when it’s just me and ‘The Kid’ in the house? We don’t even drink coffee.
  3. Kitchen utensils. Will I really use 3 whisks and 2 sets of measuring cups at one time?
  4. Pots/pans and baking dishes. I don’t need all those baking dishes. I don’t bake.
  5. Kitchen gadgets. I have never used my blender. It’s time to go.
  6. How many serving platers does one person need? Do I really need that chip/dip set that has Christmas decor on it, when I have a nice everyday set? The Christmas set has to go.
  7. I need to get rid of that bag full of twist ties in the junk drawer. I think I have used one out of that bag since I started my collection. Time for the trash.
  8. Left over containers. I need to get rid of those bowls that have no lids, or lids that have no bowls.
  9. Magnets on the fridge. I don’t need 20. Maybe 3-4 just to hang notes or invite reminders.
  10. Grocery bags. I don’t need 50 plastic bags in the house. Maybe 10 bags. I think I will put the rest in my garage sale pile so I have bags for the customers to carry home their goodies.
  11. Chip clips. There’s usually one or two bags in the house. I don’t need 6 of those things and a clothes pin works great too.
  12. Take out menus. Most places have their menus online.
  13. Why do I keep those rugs that I trip over every day? GONE!!!
  14. Old make-up. If I haven’t used it, it needs to go. Even the new stuff. If I haven’t used it in a few weeks….Gone.
  15. Nail polish. If it’s dried up or I don’t like the color, time for the trash.
  16. Hair products/shampoo. If I don’t like it or it didn’t work, get rid of it.
  17. I have got to get rid of those stretched out hair bands and those awful clips.
  18. Why do I have 6 old used tooth brushes? Keep one and store it with the cleaning supplies to get those hard to reach places.
  19. I have to get rid of all those samplers. I don’t need 6 tiny shampoo bottles, and 6 of those tiny soaps.
  20. Old or broken curling irons and straighteners, blow-dryers and electric razors. Trash time.
  21. Anything that is too big, too small, too ugly, I don’t like, or haven’t worn in the last season, they are out of here.
  22. Belts and purses. If the belts are broken, worn out, ugly or never worn they are history. If I haven’t used the purse in a year….Gone.
  23. Socks and panty hose. I have to get rid of those unmatched and holey socks. There is no reason to have 10 pairs of panty hose in a drawer that I haven’t worn in over a year.
  24. Under garments. Time to let go of those personable items I no longer wear or like.
  25. Sheets/blankets and pillows. 2 sets of sheets for each bed is enough. There is no reason that I should have 6 extra bed pillows and blankets that I have never used.
  26. Why do I still have a pair of shoes from the 90’s? Out of fashion, no longer like, or just ugly…time for a new home.
  27. Jackets and coats. Great time of the year to donate these items. Time to let go of that coat that is 2 sizes too small.
  28. Hats/gloves and scarves. Do I really need 7 winter scarves, 8 pairs of gloves and 4 winter hats? Time to downsize those too. Just going to keep 2 of each for variety.
  29. I need one for each car and an extra one just in case. That makes three. Time to let the other 3 go.
  30. Time to let go of that one earring that I have don’t have the match to. Time to release my out dated necklaces. If they are the good stuff I may have to take them to get melted down for cash.
  31. Board games/card games. If I haven’t pulled the game out in a year…..it’s gone. And why do I have 6 decks of playing cards?
  32. If I still have any, they are out of here.
  33. If I haven’t read it in 6 months, I probably won’t read it. DONATE. If I have read it why am I holding on to it? I will give away to family members or donate them.
  34. I like my movies but I really need to get rid of some. Time to go through those and lighten my load. If I haven’t watched in the past year I will get rid of it.
  35. Merchandise boxes. If the warranty is expired there is no need for the box. If I have the receipt, there is no need for the box.
  36. Any empty box, recycle or use for garage sale or donate piles.
  37. Old cell phones…..DONATE
  38. Pens/pencils/markers. I have a shoe box full of this stuff. I will only keep a few good working pens, a couple of pencils and one good marker. Just enough to keep in my desk drawer.
  39. Paper work. Keep only the last 7 years of my taxes and such. The rest will be shredded.
  40. Office supplies. I don’t need push pins or thumb tacks. I don’t need 15 tablets or a 600 post it notes. I don’t need a paper punch or 10 blank folders. They all have to go. Why do I have staples and no stapler?
  41. Out dated calendars.
  42. Magazines/catalogs. If I have read them, I no longer need them.
  43. Eye glasses. I have a collection of these too. I HAVE to donate these.
  44. Out dated phone books. Shoot, I really don’t need any phone books. Almost every business phone number can be found online.
  45. Old electronics. I don’t use that old hand-held Tetris game anymore. Why do I still have that outdate software? I have no use for a VCR either. Why am I keeping that broken set of head phones? I have no use for those box speakers. I can’t remember the last time I listened to that boom box. Why do I have so many cords that don’t belong to anything?  All gone.
  46. Luggage/duffel bags.  I don’t need 3 carry on suitcases. Really!!!! I have 6 duffle bags, WHY?
  47. Holiday decorations. If I haven’t used it for the season, there is no reason for me to keep it.
  48. If my project is done, then I need to get rid of the supplies. If I haven’t completed the project in the past 6 months, I will never finish it. Time to go.
  49. Wall décor. If I don’t like it or it doesn’t bring a smile to my face….it’s gone
  50. Knick-Knacks. Why am I cluttering up my house with things I don’t like?

That’s my list. I’m sure I have missed a few things. Maybe you can use my list to help you find your joy in your home.

Tell me some of the things you want to get rid of in your home.


2 Comments

My Journey: Job Searching-Success!!!!!

celebrate

After 10 days of waiting I finally got a call. The bad part is I missed the call. The call came in last Friday at 7:35 pm. I had been sick that week and left my phone on vibrate. Somewhere around 8:00 pm I check my phone and see that I had missed ‘THE” call from a company.

I listened to the voice message and it said they have some ‘good news’ for me. I called the person back and left her a message and apologized I was not available.

I had to wait till Monday to see if I had a job. Just another weekend…WAITING. Did I mention I am not good at waiting?

Monday rolls around and I was waiting all morning for my call. The call finally come in around noon. I was informed that I am being offered the position. WOO-HOO!!!!

She (Tina) continues to tell me what I will be doing, what shift and days I will be working and my pay. That’s when my heart sank. Everything was what I wanted until she mentioned the pay. It just wasn’t where I needed it to be.

I asked if there was any negotiating on the pay scale. She asked me what I was needing and informed me that she’s not sure if the company can offer me this rate.  Tina then says, she will talk to the hiring managers and see what she can do.

So there I was once again…waiting. I was holding my breath and ready to have a nervous breakdown. It’s been 3 months of hard work searching for a job and I have one true offer on the table.  A good job with a good company.

I am thinking to myself…..I can’t afford to take this job but then again I can’t afford NOT to take this job.

I wait for 45 minutes and Tina calls back. They came back with a counter offer. Still not quite there but a lot better than the original offer and almost what I asked for.

SUCCESS!!! I have taken the offer for the position and I start very soon. Now to fill out all those consent forms, go through a back ground check, a drug screen and read through the benefit packages.

I am excited and scared at the same time. Excited that I have a new job, scared about all the changes I will be going through.

I want to thank all my readers, friends and family that have supported me on this journey. Your encouragement, love and support have been a blessing to me.


2 Comments

And So The Job Search Begins……Doubts

finding a jobWell, the time has come. I have to start looking for a real job. I have been hiatus for over a year and my money is running out. I have enjoyed my time off. I have gotten to explore myself a little more. Started blogging, wrote two small books and started back with my photography. I have organized my house, went on a vacation, visited family and relaxed. I am not looking forward to the job search. It’s been over 14 years since I had to apply for a job.

I have so many doubts about my skills. I am terrified since I do not have a college degree or any higher education. I am scared no one will hire me because of my weight.  Don’t get me wrong, I know I have some great work skills but the doubt comes in because I may not have the right skills that are needed in today’s world.

I really don’t know what I want from my career at this time. I have questions:  Do I want to work in the same field (customer service) or do I want to try and venture out of that comfort zone? Do I want to relocate? If so, where do I want to go?

I do enjoy customer service (I’m good at it) as long as I am really helping a person. I enjoyed my last job helping people with their medications and insurance. I made a difference to many people. I liked that tremendously. What I didn’t like was the company I worked for they forgot that we worked for people, real people that were searching for help. The company looked at the customers as a number and the bottom line.  The company got lost in sales and profit, they forgot about their own mission statement.

I don’t want to do meaningless sales, or a dead end job. I want to help others. I want to grow as a person in my job. I want to make a difference. It can be a small difference but I still would like to have that impact. How can I do this and make a living? (Seriously. Any suggestions?)

I have started putting in my resumes to several companies this past week. Now there’s something new to me. Applying online, that is something very simple and easy but still foreign territory for me.

I am used to going to each company, speaking to the HR (human resources) personnel and then calling every week to check on the resume/application. There’s a whole new process involved now and it’s all online. What a huge difference 14 years can make.

Making a new resume was difficult too. The style of the resume is different, the wording is different, and the format is different. It’s all new to me. You now have to have key’ words that help you stand out. You have to be unique but not so unique that you are not taken seriously. Did you know that you only have between 15-30 seconds to impress someone with your resume?  Did you know that if you don’t have those ‘key’ words they will dismiss your resume?  So much pressure to do the resume right.

It’s a new work world. I have doubts whether there is a place for me in it.

I would love to blog, take photos and write for a living but I know I am not a professional at any of these things. (((SIGH!)))

Here I am searching for what I want in a career. I am still searching within myself on what I want out of life and for my life. Searching myself if I want to relocate for a job.  Searching for joy in a job. Searching for a job that will add to my happiness.  So much searching to be done, all the while doubting my abilities.

Here I am asking for help. Here I am leaving my comfort zone. Here I am trying to stay motivated. Here I am trying to add to my happiness and self-worth.  I may have to re-read my own blogs just to get through this (insert big belly laugh).

The best part is, in my heart I know everything will work out in the end. I WILL find the right job, I WILL be in the right location and I know I will still be blogging and taking photos.

It’s the journey that gets ya……and so the journey begins.


4 Comments

Making A Mountain Out Of A Mole-Hill

Mountain

I think this is my son’s favorite past-time. I realize he is still young and can freak out about things he encounters for the first time. But, really to stay in that freak-out mode and to build on it, just seems tiresome to me.

Let me set the stage. A few months ago my son had to replace the engine in his car. He had many choices to pick from but he decided to replace the engine. In this situation he did not freak out at all. (I did for a few minutes).

A few days ago, his car wouldn’t start. He checked everything and he could not find the issue. He comes in the house and is just deflated, his attitude is bad and he’s talking about how his savings will be gone once he gets the car fixed.

He continues to rant about how this, that and the other won’t work out. He just kept building layer after layer of how bad all this is, without even knowing what is wrong with the car or how much it will cost to fix.

He stayed in this phase/mode/mindset for over a day. Never taking any action to resolve the car issue.

As some of you know, once your kid reaches a certain age, we as parents can’t tell them anything. So, I didn’t say a word till he asked me.

That’s when I asked if he called our mechanic, he said “no”.

Here I go being a mom and telling my adult kid what to do. I tell him to get on the phone and make sure the mechanic can take care of the car within a couple of days. And then tell him to call for a tow truck to take the car to the mechanic.

He comes back to me and says the car will be picked up the next day and the mechanic will be ready for the car. Awesome….wheels in motion (pun intended).

The next day everything is done and within a few hours the mechanic calls my son to tell him it was nothing major just a faulty spark plug and he can pick up the car anytime.

Best part, not a lot of money out of my son’s savings.

He drove himself crazy for 2 days all because he made things worse then they were and expected the worst thing to happen. And it wasn’t that way at all.

My brother likes to say this kind of action is ‘going from zero to hammered’. I call it, making a mountain out of a mole hill.

We all do this to ourselves at some point. For me, I’m ok with being in that stage for a minute or two. But to stay in that stage for a day or longer is just ridiculous.

Nothing gets accomplished and your stress level goes through the roof. Then fear sets in because we are afraid of the outcome. All because we went on a tangent to make things worse for ourselves.

Lessons learned:

We make thigs out to be worse than they really are.

Nothing is as a bad as it seems (most of the time)

Don’t let a problem sit and boil, get busy and resolve issue (ASAP)

Take a breath when a problem comes up and then tackle said problem.

I hope my son’s example of what not to do is helpful for you.

Tell me a time when you made a mountain out of a mole hill and how you resolved the problem or what you had learned.


2 Comments

Did Your Get Up And Go, Got Up And Went

MultitaskingHave you ever been looking forward to something and when that day came, you just didn’t want to anymore? Or have you been in the ‘zone’ and working hard and all of a sudden your ‘zone’ was gone?

This happens to me all the time.

In my family we say “Get up and go” which means it’s time to do something, time for work, chores, anything. For instance if I know my son has a list of things to do, I will gently remind him by saying….Don’t you think it’s time to get up and go. That’s his queue.

Now, my mom will say this to my dad and my dad’s response (just to bug mom) is: My get up and go, got up and went. Which means, he really doesn’t want to or he’s just bugging mom.

Seriously though, have you ever had the energy to do something, go someplace or be in the middle of a task and out of the blue, you just don’t feel like it anymore or you lost your momentum? It’s not that you are tired, you just no longer have the energy to follow through. What is up with that?POOF- Gone

This confuses me every time. I had the energy 10 minutes ago, where did that energy go? It got up and went. I‘ve been trying to figure out why this happens to me. Am I missing something, Do I have ADD, or am I just lazy?

I may have ADD, I do like a shiny object and I do get side tracked on occasion. I can be lazy too. But when I am in the middle of something or have committed myself to a task or friends I will follow through. This one has me befuddled.

I have been practicing a few tricks to help myself with this anomaly.

The first thing I do is try to figure out why I no longer want to do the thing I was looking forward to. I ask myself these questions.

Am I board with said project?

Do I really NEED to do this right now?

Do I really want to go to…..?

Will this impact my day, week, friend or family?

Should I do it anyway?

Once I have answered these questions, I generally have my answer to what I will do next.

If I see that I really don’t have a need for or it won’t impact anyone, then I will either drop it or move on, or some sort of guilt will rear its ugly head and I will do it anyway.

If my answers are, I need to, I have to, and it’s the right thing to do then I will force myself to do/go. I generally feel good about my decision to go through with it.

I have found out that even when I don’t want to and I do/go anyway. I have great time and I get so much accomplished.

It works out in the end. But I still haven’t figured out why I lost the gumption in the first place.

I can’t be alone in this. Well, maybe I am the odd ball after all.

If you have any ideas on why I/we do this to ourselves, please share with me. I really want to know. This is one thing that drives me nuts sometimes.

Share your thoughts to help a girl out. Thanks