Mother of Necessity

because sometimes, you just have to.


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Where Have I Been?

It’s time to play catch-up.  The past few months have been a wild ride.

As you know my mom is sick. The good news is she is not progressing downward. She is maintaining. That is a relief on all of us. Mom still has some bad days and is still getting weak. She has fallen a few times over the past months, but thank goodness there were no major injuries or hospital visits.

In the upcoming weeks she will have a procedure done to try and help with the fluid building up in her stomach area. We are hoping this will make Mom more comfortable and feel much better.

Dad is doing well. We had a scare with him about a month ago. He passed out and went to the hospital. Come to find out his pacemaker/defibrillator was not working right. He had a heart Cath done to make sure all was well. Thank the good Lord above there was no issues. The doctors corrected the pacemaker/defibrillator and he is good as new, well as new as can be at his age.  J

Now onto “the kid”. After he lost his job he fell into a deep depression with anxiety attacks. After months of him trying to cope by himself, he finally reached out for some help.

He is now seeing a therapist and through those visits we have discovered that he is just not a ‘quirky’ kid. He is on the Autism spectrum, very high functioning. Considering ‘the kid’ has gone to college (out of state), can hold a job and take care of himself.

All these years I thought I was raising a ‘quirky’ kid. Come to find out, I couldn’t have been more wrong. This tore me apart. Finding out my parenting skills have been all wrong for him for the past 25 years.  Realizing I was blind to the things right in front of me.

The best part is I can change my parenting skills and he is finding the help he needs. The therapy is helping with is depression and anxiety. In August he is going for testing to verify where he falls in the Autism spectrum.

I love that he has not changed through this journey of discovery about himself. He has a few fears about what all of this means. The biggest fear is he is afraid others will treat him differently or less than. He is still the same quirky and smart kid we all love and adore. We now have an explanation why we raise our eyebrows at times with him.

About the job: I made it through my 90 day probation period. I am finally doing my job. The awkwardness is still there but I am either getting used to it or conforming.

The job is boring but at least I don’t take it home with me. I am still learning and the learning process stresses me out because I feel like I should have this job down by now.

The company is working with me with all the family issues going on. I am very grateful for that.

My supervisor is warming up to me. Killing her with kindness seems to be working.

The past 2 months I have been working 10 hour shifts and overtime on Saturdays. The stress of my finances is getting to me. Working all these hours gives me less time with my parents and ‘the kid’. I don’t like that at all.

At least I have a job to go to and complain about.

Even with all of this going on, it still doesn’t explain why I haven’t been blogging. You would think that I would/should have been writing about all of these issues and doing my own writing therapy. Sharing with others to help them and to get this stuff out of my own head and get some support.

Well, here’s the truth. I was not in a position to write. My brain was/is on overload. Writing was the furthest thing in my mind. Coping with my mom’s illness. Just wrapping my head around that issue was hard enough for me. Let alone the new job. Then discovering ‘the kid’ was falling apart. It was all too much for this little brain to handle.

I was not coping well. I was crying all the time, not sleeping, feeling run down and I felt yucky all the time. I finally broke down and went to the doctor. I was hoping that he would give me a ‘happy’ pill and I would be on my way.

Instead, I got a full work up. I had blood work done and few other tests. When all the test results came back, I found out that I have depression and anxiety (already knew that). I guess ‘the kid’ and I are too much alike. I have high cholesterol, I have developed type 2 diabetes and I have neuropathy in my feet.

WOW, I went to feeling crappy at 40 something to feeling real crappy and 70 in just a matter of minutes.

I did get a ‘happy’ pill, along with few more medications. I am not on insulin injections, thank the Lord for that.

Making the adjustments to taking medications every day and testing my blood sugar was a big deal. I had major side effects to a couple of the medicines. For a few weeks I was completely out of sorts. The side effects have worn off and the ‘happy’ pill is working and so is the diabetic medication. The high cholesterol med is still something the doctor and I are working on. That type of pill is not good for me….the side effects are too bad.

Because of all the stress I lost almost 30 pound before I even went to the doctor. I have changed the way I eat and I have lost a total of 47 pounds in the past 4 months.

My goal is to be off the diabetic medication in a year and be 100 pounds lighter.  Wish me luck.

So there you have it in a nut shell.  A little glimpse into my world the past few months and now you know why it’s taken me so long to get back to writing.

I am hoping that I will add a post a week till things get even better.

Thanks for hanging in there with me. I have missed writing and I have missed all of you.

Please keep checking in. Leave me a note of encouragement or ask me a question. I could really use the support.


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Music Monday: Joey and Rory

Photo By: countrymusictattletale.com

Photo By: countrymusictattletale.com

I came across this song a few weeks ago and it reminded me of how I grew up. Some may think this is an awful song but for me this is my foundation. My folks were raised this way. They raised all 3 of us kids this way and I raised my son in this manner too.

We were raised to do the right thing, meaning the Christian way. We were raised on the word of God, to show respect to our elders, to be honest, be forgiving, to love with an open heart, to help others in any way we could and to love the Lord.

I am grateful for being raised this way. I am a better person because my parents didn’t spoil us.

Joey & Rory: A Bible and A Belt: 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9yESgfK5Lqk

Sorry if this offends anyone. Just sharing my views.

I hope you have a great Monday and a beautiful week. Be grateful in what you have and go hug your parents.

 


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I Just Didn’t Realize

confussedThe other day I asked “The Kid” to look over a blog that I had written about my folks to edit. (He’s my proofreader). He just stood there, silent with a sad look on his face.

I was puzzled by his reaction. I was thinking, well he’s just being a brat and didn’t want to help me. I couldn’t have been more wrong.

I asked why? His response surprised me. He said “I can’t” Why not? “It makes me sad and heartbroken.” My heart dropped to the floor. I didn’t realize that for him editing the blogs about my folks hurt so much.

He is a great help to me and the folks. He is always there to lend a hand. He has been checking on me to make sure he is there for me. Always asking if I’m ok or asking if I need anything. So, his response surprised me.

He continues to say that he’s not strong like I am. That it’s not easy for him to read in black and white what is happening to his grandparents and reading how this is affecting his mom.

Poor kid. I didn’t even think about how deeply this was impacting him. I knew he was hurting but I didn’t know how much.

He has watched me have sobbing breakdowns, He has watched me stress, listened to my emotional outbursts all the while staying calm, listening, handing me a tissue and hugging me so often that I’m almost bruised. J He’s the strong one. That’s a lot for a young person to carry.

I am not the strong one. I feel emotions deeply. They cut me off at the knees. I cry in the silence of my own home so no one will see my weakness. I put on a brave face to get through the emotional roller coaster I am on. I smile and joke so I won’t feel the sadness or pain. I blog to get those emotions and thoughts out because I can’t handle them bouncing around in my head.

“The Kid” is stronger than I am. He has been dealing with the news of his grandma (Mimi) very well. Or so I thought. On the outside he is helpful, talkative, kind, loving, and supportive but on the inside he is falling apart. I guess neither one of us are that strong but I know that going through this as mom and son we will be right.

They tell you that that the passing of your parents is painful. I had no idea how much my heart would hurt and they aren’t even gone. This journey will be one of the toughest things I will endure.

Some of you that have already been on this ride, and it’s lingering after effects, know the pain I am talking about. It physically hurts and your brain feels like it’s on fire. Accepting those emotions is another small journey in itself.

You think you are mentally prepared for this journey, But you are not. There is nothing in this world that can prepare you for the wide range of emotions and thoughts that run through your head. It consumes you in every way.

There is some good news. That is I have a fantastic support system. I have a wonderful family that loves me unconditionally. I have some of the best prayer warriors out there. I have a son that loves me so much he’s afraid to share his emotions with me because he doesn’t want me to worry or add to the stress level. My folks are the best parents any kid could want. And, I still have time to spend with them and love them even harder than I did before.

I am blessed with riches that some people only dream of having. Every night I am amazed that I made it through the day. With the grace of God, a wonderful family and amazing friends I know tomorrow and the next day will be better. And I will continue to strive to do and be better for my son, my folks and loved ones.

I’m sorry Kid, I just didn’t realize how much you were hurting. I promise to do better and to help you through this. I love you!

P.S. Sorry for any errors on this blog or the past few and future blogs. I no longer have an in house editor.


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Guest Writer: Jennifer-Christmas Time Is Here

Photo by: holiday.filminspector.co

Photo by: holiday.filminspector.co

Christmas time is here
Happiness and cheer
Fun for all that children call
Their favorite time of the year.

If you grew up in the 70’s, you probably recognize those lyrics from the beloved A Charlie Brown Christmas movie.  This simple song by Vince Guaraldi melts my heart every time I hear it.  It is not so much the little cartoon (though it is a great story of the true meaning of Christmas) that makes me wax nostalgic, but just the memories of a simpler time.

I have always been a pretty simple person.  I prefer Vanilla ice cream over Razzle Dazzle Berry Crunch.  I have worn the same fragrance for 10+ years.  I still have the comforter that my mom bought me in high school.  I use Ivory soap.  You get the drift.

The sound of those Peanuts kids singing the sweet Christmas song takes me back to when Christmas was just Christmas, not the fast-paced hoopla it is today. Our holiday was not jam-packed with extravagant parties, excessive shopping, and over-the-top decorating that began even before the Thanksgiving turkey left the table!  The song always brings to mind my own little family, my huge extended family, my church.  All those traditions we just called Christmas and did them out of love for Jesus and each other.

Photo by: lambfood.blogspot.com

Photo by: lambfood.blogspot.com

My mom and dad did a fabulous job of “Keeping Christ in Christmas” even before it became a thing!  Not one gift was ever opened on Christmas morning until Dad read Luke 2.  We had one Christmas record that contained only carols.  No “Santa Claus Is Coming to Town” was ever heralded in our home! The entire holiday revolved around praising Jesus and helping others to do the same.  In a very real way it mimicked the very first Christmas where the angels, shepherds, and wise men worshiped Christ, the newborn king!  I am so grateful to my parents for instilling in me, that simple approach to this time of year.

I have so many other memories of Christmas, yet the simple ones remain my favorite.  My Aunt Brenda’s pumpkin cookies, Aunt Jane’s old fashioned decorations, Grandma Sherman’s house every Christmas Eve.  I can still hear the laughter, smell the ham, and feel the excitement of seeing all my cousins!  Christmas Eve was definitely crazy and loud, yet still quaint and…simple. The Christmas story was always read. A Charlie Brown Christmas was always watched by some of the kids.  Lots of hugs and “I love you’s” exchanged.  Lots and lots of simple happiness and cheer. Just the way I like it.

By Jennifer Michael

I am so glad Cousin Jennifer has decided to write another post for us. Thank you Jennifer for being a guest writer. I enjoy your perspective and writing skills. Can’t wait till the next one.

Leave your comments to let Jennifer know how much you have enjoyed her post. Let her know you want more.


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Don’t We Have Something Better To Do?

social media

 

I do not post things about what is taking place in our world. I want to make my blog fun, entertaining and educational. I don’t think I can hold my tongue any longer.

The world we all live in is unraveling in front of our faces. We set back observe, judge, call names but yet we do NOTHING about our own lives and problems. I know I have something better to do with my time.

Why is it news that a cup is now “red”? Why do we care so much about the color of a dress? Why do we waste our time watching a family on TV do things that are just ridiculous? Do these things impact our way of living? Why do we judge a business that is closed on Sunday or that the business is helping the homeless, all because the social media put it out there?

I understand that social media is the norm. It should not be our point of education. Why are we allowing just ‘crap’ be such a large part of our day?

I enjoy social media as the next person. I use it as entertainment for a minute or when I am bored. But I do not spend hours connected to it. I have too many things to do.

My mom would tell me my face would stick like that, when I made an ugly face as a kid. I think there is some truth to that statement. If we do something long enough we become that (whatever “that” may be). 

If we feed ourselves with junk food we become fat. If we feed our minds with junk, than our minds become mush. We will lose rational thinking, the ability to think for ourselves and decipher the difference between what is really right and wrong. Do you want to give that up? I know I don’t.

We are intelligent human beings (for the most part). The longer we get involved with the nonsense, we all will become meaningless to each other, because we will forget what is most important in our lives.

No it’s not money, a career, our home or material things. I have news for you all. It’s family and loving one another with an open heart.

Having a kind heart takes work. If you are willing to invest 4 hours a day with the “junk” than you have time for something meaningful in your life.

Take that time you would spend on social media and go connect with your loved ones. I bet your mom/dad would love to see you and spend time with you. How about your own kids? Go play a game with them, help them with their homework or better yet have a conversation with them.

Don’t get me wrong, I am guilty from time to time too. I have realized that by watching/listening and reading this junk, it is not good for me. It can cloud my own thinking, get me aggravated or even stunned by the stupidity because I am letting worldly influences fog up my thinking.

I have had to remind myself that this ’junk’ is just that…JUNK. It does not play a part in my world, nor should it. I remind myself that I am smarter than that and “junk” has no part in my mind. I have enough useless information in my head, I don’t need any more junk.

I am asking you kindly to step away from the Twinkie (junk food) and grab an apple instead.


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The Kid

 

The Kid at 18 months

The Kid at 18 months

I know today is not my normal day to post, But this week is special.

This week is my son’s 25th Birthday. There is no way I have a kid that is that old. Isn’t it a parent’s right to embarrass them? He has no idea I am writing about him. I will have him read this after I post. This way he has no say in what I write. I know…I’m a mean mom.

I know every parent says they have the best kids “EVER”, I am no exception. I have the BESTEST KID EVER!!!!

It’s just been the kid and I for a very long time. He has always been my biggest cheerleader. He is my son and I am proud to say he is my friend too.

We can chat for hours about nothing or about serious topics. We don’t always share the same views but I love that he doesn’t conform to what I think. (Most of the time)

He has a beautiful mind and he blows me away with his ideas. I would consider him an “idea man”. He has some great theories on how to rebuild our public school system, which needs some work in my opinion. He was ideas on new products and even new fuels.

I am his sounding board. He comes to me and shares his ideas, and I am the one that tells him his idea won’t work or challenge him to prove to me why the idea would work. We make a good team. His idea may be in the clouds and I am the naysayer.  You never know if one of those crazy ideas or theories will come into play some day. I’m hoping……he’s my retirement program.

Over the years we have had some ups and downs, but he continues to love his mom. He is so respectful towards me. He may not like me at times but he has never disrespected me. I must have done something right.

The Kid at 4

The Kid at 4

He is an old soul. When he was 4 he looked like a little man. He has always asked the hard questions and wanted the big answers. He never settled for the simple version that you can tell most kids.

At the age of 3 we were in the car having a nice summer Sunday drive and he asked me…How do you pray? I simply responded by saying, “you just talk to God like you do with anyone”. Thinking this would be a good enough answer for a 3 year old. Before I knew what was going on. He is yelling “HEY GOD” out the back window of the car at a stop light in town with about 20 people at a nearby ice cream shop.

I turn around and ask him what he is doing and without hesitation he responds…”I’m just making sure God hears me since He’s in heaven”. 

That’s when I knew my hand were going to be full for a long time and I needed to provide more concise answers to his questions. 

You know how most kids go through the “why” stage.  Where they are always asking why to everything you say or tell them. Well my son went through the “What’s that” stage for almost 2 years. This stage started when he could first put 2 words together. These were his first two words.

If I didn’t respond to his question he would ask “what’s that” till I gave him the answer he was looking for. This stage drove me nuts. It didn’t matter what it was, he HAD to know.  If he saw a real cow he would ask “what’s that”. If I was holding a piece of paper, I got the question. I couldn’t respond just by telling him it was paper. I had to tell him what color the paper was, what was on the paper, if the paper was for him or until he was satisfied with my response.

Thank goodness that was a phase and I no longer have to answer that question. I think I used up all my answers. He is still inquisitive but now he does his own research and I don’t have to hear….What’s That? (I kind of miss it)

The Kid at 16

The Kid at 16

He is a wonderful kid. I have never had to worry that he was hanging out with the wrong friends. Never had to worry when he was coming home or who he was talking to on the phone.

I always knew where he was and knew every friend he had. I didn’t even have to give him a curfew. He was always home at a reasonable time.

My kid is bright, inquisitive, respectful, caring, sweet, kind and handsome.

We lived a few blocks from an Aunt. He would go visit with her after school. They would talk and eat Popsicles. Our Aunt was sick and lived by herself. The kid loved his aunt so much that at 12-13 year old he would take the time and go visit with her because he wanted to. Not because I made him or even suggested. He did this on his own. I have to say, that is one of the sweetest things he has done.

He is an American history buff. He can talk your ear off about all the wars.

The kid likes meteorology. He can tell you when it’s going to rain just by looking at the clouds.

 He’s good at math. He passed a calculus course in college and never had a class in high school.

He likes to learn things on his own. He will study a topic for hours just to learn all he can. Not because he has too, but because he likes learning.

He loves physics. Now that’s a subject that he always has to explain to me.

He reads poetry to relax. He likes Emily Dickinson, Edger Allen Poe and Walt Whitman.

He loves cars. He can tell you almost every make/model and year of any car. His favorites are muscle cars from the 70’s. He has been a car fan since he was 10 months old.

He loves music. He listens to almost anything from classical to thrash. He’s not a fan of opera or rap.

I know I’m bragging but this will probably be the last time I will be able to do this in public. Because he’s going to hate me after I post this.

I have to say I am a lucky mom to have such a wonderful kid. I tell people God took pity upon me when He gave me The Kid. I think God looked down on me and thought….She isn’t the brightest crayon in the box, let me give her a good kid that won’t cause too many problems.

Whatever the reason, I am grateful and overly blessed to be this kid’s mom.

He is the best thing I have ever done with my life. He is constantly teaching me things and inspires me to be better. I love every minute of being your mom. I would do it all again, a thousand times over.

Thanks Kid for being such a great son. I will always be proud of you. I will always be in your corner.

I hope this year is your most fulfilling and successful year yet. Happy Birthday, Bud.

Hey!! Guess what?  Love you.  (Inside joke)

The Kid and me 2014

The Kid and me 2014


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A Sweet Revenge Poem For Moms

A Sweet Revenge Poem

This is not mine, but thought it was funny and I had to share. Oh what sweet revenge could be had if we, as parents did this to our kids. We love our kids with everything we have and are. But there are times when revenge comes to mind.

I Hope my Mom doesn’t get any ideas.

Have a great day. Hope this poem leaves you with a smile on your face.old lady

Heartfelt Creations

When I’m an old lady, I’ll live with each kid,
And bring so much happiness just as they did.
I want to pay back all the joy they’ve provided.
Returning each deed! Oh, they’ll be so excited!
When I’m an old lady and live with my kids.

I’ll write on the walls with reds, whites and blues,
And I’ll bounce on the furniture wearing my shoes.
I’ll drink from the carton and then leave it out.
I’ll stuff all the toilets and oh, how they’ll shout!
When I’m an old lady and live with my kids.

When they’re on the phone and just out of reach,
I’ll get into things like sugar and bleach.
Oh, they’ll snap their fingers and then shake their head,
When I’m an old lady and live with my kids.

When they cook dinner and call me to eat,
I’ll not eat my green beans or salad or meat,
I’ll gag on my okra, spill milk on the table,
And when they get angry I’ll run if I’m able!
When I’m an old lady and live with my kids.

I’ll sit close to the TV, through channels I’ll click,
I’ll cross both eyes just to see if they stick.
I’ll take off my socks and throw one away,
And play in the mud ’til the end of the day!
When I’m an old lady and live with my kids.

And later in bed, I’ll lay back and sigh,
I’ll thank God in prayer and then close my eyes.
My kids will look down with a smile slowly creeping,
And say with a groan, “She’s so sweet when she’s sleeping!”
-by Joanne Bailey Baxter